Thursday, October 29, 2020

Freewrite 12/11/18

Habits are a funny thing aren’t they?  As the year draws to a close I have spent a lot of time thinking about my lifestyle, work ethic, etc. and have noticed so many habits that I haven’t been able to shake even after years of trying.  For example, procrastination.   It is a rare and wonderful thing when an assignment gets done before the deadline and I arrive to class the next morning feeling well rested.  I don’t understand why after years of sleep deprivation and feeling generally pretty shitty about the quality of work that I am turning in I still continue to leave things to the last minute.  Sure, sometimes it is an organizational slip up that leaves me scrambling at the last minute to get things finished, but usually I see it coming way out.  I see the deadline and as it draws closer I start finding more and more insignificant things that I convince myself are priorities.  For example, reorganizing my dresser (even though I did that last week), or I think that now might be a good time to get back into reading.  Organization and reading are great don’t get me wrong but there is a time and a place and the time is certainly not in the days leading up to a major paper being due.  I know my cycle, I am very aware of it and yet I am thoroughly addicted to the caffeine fueled late night mad rush to complete my work.  Who knows.  Will it ever change?  Maybe, at least I like to think so.  But really, who knows. 

I’m excited to go home for the break, I have a lot of things that I want to do: a new gym membership I can try, baking, new and old friends to spend time with, my high school’s fall play, my puppy, my family, lots of Christmas decorations, my car (a mini name Bruce).  I have a lot of places I want to visit to (with or without other people).  I have a weird habit I’ve gotten into recently.  Over the last year or so.  I really like to go for drives by myself late at night or really early in the morning.  My friends and parents don’t love that I do this and it’s not a smart use of gas I can admit that, but there is something absolutely magical about it.  Los Angeles is such a busy city (all the time: traffic, terrible drivers, electric scooters everywhere, busy and crazy freeways, a million people doing a million things), but at night if you can stay up late enough you find this beautiful peace that falls over the whole city.  Sure there are still people around but for the most part, the rodes are empty and the air is cool and sweet.  I drive with my windows down and the moonroof open and I go anywhere and everywhere.  Up the PCH, down Sunset, to Hollywood, Mar Vista, the Pacific Palisades, Santa Monica, Malibu, Culver City, The Griffith Observatory.  I replay the memories of each location as I drive through.  The jokes I’ve shared with friends, where my car broke down that one time, walking and holding hands with that guy for the first time, my schools, my old houses, places I wish I’d spent more time in, places I know like the back of my hand.  My favorite place to go is Griffith Observatory. 

Right before I came to college I spent a month traveling in Europe, when I found out about the Dana Pre-Orientation program it became clear to me very quickly that I wouldn’t have enough time to say goodbye to the city the way I wanted to.  I woke up my first morning back in LA jet-lagged from flying back from Scotland and since I couldn’t sleep I got into my car at 3:30 AM and drove for hours.  I drove up the PCH (which is absolutely beautiful but it was dark and I couldn’t really see the ocean) took Sunset all the way to Hollywood and made it up to the Griffith Observatory (which is one of the most beautiful places in the world to me).  I parked got out of my car and the air was cool and heavy with the weight of the day about to dawn.  There were couples doing photoshoots, and a big workout group starting to exercise and there was me.  I walked around the front of the building and saw the full sunrise over the city.  It was absolutely perfect.  I took pictures and stayed a while and then drove back into the city as it woke up and buzzed back to life again.  It was perfect.

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